Forgiveness

What does it really mean to forgive?
Many times, we get to anger other people, either through our words or actions. People sometimes talk without thinking, blurting out the first thing that pops up in their head. Sometimes these words could have a negative effect on us. It could stir up feelings of anger that almost always makes one lash out at anything coming his way. Let’s see an example.
Three friends were discussing about themselves in public, talking about the funny things they did when they were young. One used a degrading term to qualify one of the friends in a joke, obviously without thinking of the state of mind of that friend. They all laughed at the resultant joke, but while the friend was returning home, he started thinking about what was said about him. Gradually, he began developing anger towards the friend for talking about him that way. What was the result? He lashed out. Yes, at another driver. The road wasn’t big enough for overtaking. While he was thinking, and cruising home, another driver who was in hurrying was behind him, honking at him to either move faster or excuse him. He came down from his car and started a heated argument with him. On getting home, he spoke to his children with anger, also using foul languages. The children ran to their room, unhappy.
Because of his friend’s words, he did some things wrong. His emotion became ruled by the anger stirred up in him by his friend.
To forgive is to stop being angry with someone and stop blaming them even if they’ve done something wrong.
Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy
-ARISTOTLE, The Nicomachean Ethics
Aristotle clearly understood that it is easy for people to transfer aggression when wronged. This statement by Aristotle attests to the fact that being rightly angry is not easy. Then what is easy? Well, let’s return to the earlier example and analyze it intricately.
After the friend had used such degrading term to describe his friend in a joke, they all laughed. The first thing he did right. Not letting the thoughtlessness of his friend get to him. What he didn’t do right was not letting that conversation end there. He kept reliving that moment in his mind. While it’s not bad to relive an occurrence, it’s best to let all negativity out. By thinking about the conversation, his emotion was stimulated, the emotion of ANGER.
Daniel Goleman, in his book ‘Emotional Intelligence – Why it can matter more than IQ’ explains what the stimulation of this emotion can do. ‘With anger’, he says, ‘blood flows to the hands, making it easier to grasp a weapon or strike at a foe; heart rate increases, and a rush of hormones such as adrenaline generates a pulse of energy strong enough for vigorous action’. Recall from the story, this man lashed out at another driver and at his children. His day didn’t end well. Forgetting the negative would have been the best course of action. His day would still have ended well and he would have been happy at home.
Now that he is angry. He has done some things wrong. He has transferred aggression to the wrong people, what should he do? Should he redirect his anger towards that friend alone? First calmness is required. Being calm can help you forgo instances. Being angry can affect relationships. So forgiving is a good thing to do. Why do I say it’s the nice thing to do? Our example will show us.
The next day, he realized what he had done and remembered those he did wrong the other day. He apologized to them. When he woke up the next morning, he apologized to his wife and his children also explaining the reason for his outburst to his wife. They both forgave him. This made the family happy. You recall the other night had been bad; the children ran off to the room, unhappy at how the dad spoke to them. Now, they were happy. A resultant effect of FORGIVENESS.  While he was going to work, the driver who he lashed at was also behind him again. This time, sitting quietly, no honking, probably trying to avoid another fight with this man. As this man noticed the car behind him, he came out towards the man. You could imagine what would’ve been running through the man’s head “this man again? What does he want this time?” To his surprise, he came to apologize for how he reacted the other day. He also forgave him. Happiness, again the result of forgiveness. Now you can imagine hoe his day would go.
Forgiving rests the soul from the rage burning inside. It adjusts the emotion of anger to that of happiness. When you see anger, see it as something that should be quelled immediately.
A – Always
N – Never
G – Get
E – Enraged
R – Readily
The more we see reasons to forgive an error, the better for us as our lives would be more enjoyable. We also get to affect those around us and those who come in contact with us with that positive air. Remember the benefit of forgiving.
A BETTER LIFE.